It has been said over and over it's important to celebrate even what we would often consider the smallest accomplishment. It builds momemtum to believe in your own power. I am happy to report I have had two or three small victories recently...
Last week before the weekend getaway for a writing contest Mariah was a finalist in, I woke up in the middle of the night. I had done that for a couple nights. Perhaps I was thinking of what to pack for the weekend. Perhaps I was excited to actually be going away for a little bit. Perhaps I was just plain happy I was feeling pretty well. Whatever the reason, I lay there in bed while Mariah slept soundly next to me. The dogs started to wimper in the crate (this has become their routine, they go in the crate for the night only to join us halfway through in our bed). I opened the crate and they jumped into bed to snuggle. I lay awake. But I just felt so content and peaceful. And safe. I appreciated having the moment to feel that content and safe. Upon reflection I realized that was a victory. I didn't worry about how to fall back asleep. I didn't worry period. I was in the moment and appreciating it.
Another is a bit more quantifiable. Two days later we drove up to San Jose (about a 5 hour trip) this past Friday since Saturday Mariah had some events to attend to as a VIP guest as a contest finalist. Once we arrived at the place I had booked, we grew weary. And wary. I could have sworn I researched it enough. It was really beaten down and the lobby was miniscule with no computer save for an old Macintosh from the late 80s atop a pile of other useless items in the corner. Once we got into our room I almost wanted to cry. We had been assured they just remodeled. I wasn't expecting anything fancy since it was a place that goes easy on the budget, but, well, it was a crack den. The smoke alarm had been relieved of its battery and was strapped onto the ceiling. Someone was mad at the bathroom door and had punched a hole in it. There was paint chipping off everywhere, a cigarette burned hole in the bedspread, and Mariah saw some "interesting" events taking place outside. The door barely shut properly and the windows were thin with no lock. I reluctantly sat on the bed and thought. If this was 10 years ago I could have dealt with it and turned it into a funny adventure we could laugh about later. But both of us are recovering from being very ill and also deserve to be in a better place with the money we paid! I got on Yelp, discovered there was a Best Western just down the street, booked a room. I then went back down to the lobby and explained. The clerk called the owner. She then showed me another room that was better but still - no. I got most of our money back. Hey, it was $50 well lost. As we pulled out of the parking area from the horrible inn, police had come by and were carrying someone out on a stretcher. For just a little more dough we stayed at the Best Western down the street that actually had been remodeled. And it was basically heaven by comparison. We were comfortable, safe, got good sleep and showered in a clean tub. I wouldn't settle for a shit hole. Not this time. The next day when I joined Mariah and her fellow VIP writers for their Writer's Lunch I fell easily into conversation with strangers (which had not been the case lately). It dawned on me afterward I had temporarily forgotten what I was going through. It was the normal me. Since I wasn't home I could feel and act like I wasn't a recovering sick girl but a healthy, vibrant, and empowered woman. Gonna take that feeling and carry it with me while back home.