...you get what you need
Full disclosure - I threw a hissy fit this morning. The amount of frustration I felt yesterday spilling into today is hard to describe. In addition to the on and off feeling of mourning for my past uterus, I grow so impatient. My last chemo session was initially supposed to be yesterday but as it stands due to my stubborn blood counts, I have to wait another few days. It's normal and not bad, just really irritating. I was told I would be in the hospital if they had proceded as scheduled. That shut me up. It's just frustrating. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not done with treatment entirely but this difficult part is almost over. I know in many ways I am blessed, I really do, but it felt like I was being teased somehow. I even cried to Mariah "they" don't want to help me just make money off of me! To tell the truth, Western medicine and I haven't always been friends. I am a firm believer in seeing myself as well and I have found Eastern medicine to be quite helpful in this particular journey (namely acupuncture but that's for a different post). Mariah calmed me down and I headed out to at least be productive while I up my veggies and fish to help the ol' blood counts.
After going to Trader Joe's for some quick things I was perusing the raisins when I heard, "are you going through chemo?" I was a bit startled and turned to see a brightly smiling woman. "Yes," I reluctantly replied. She told me I will get through it, she did and she is 14 years out. It's tough but I will be fine. I thanked her, shyly. I turned back to the raisins since I really am not comfortable talking about it with strangers. She went across the isle to pour coffee grinds. I thought for a bit thinking of this as a hidden message or blessing. I went back to her and thanked her again. She smiled and told me I looked beautiful and strong and will emerge even stronger. Then she said she was thinking of shaving her head again since showers and getting ready are so quick. She winked at me and said "sister," and I smiled and headed for the cashier. I almost had tears in my eyes. It was what I needed to hear.
Then cut to a few hours later when I was at one of my part-time jobs, my boss had a man doing estimates for air duct cleaning. He was friendly and rather chatty talking about being left handed (which I am) and how he shares that with his grandfather. He went on to say he has so much respect and admiration for his grandfather, he had lived to be 99. He was a holocaust survivor and survived cancer too. He was able to get through so much and be stronger. The man looked straight at me when he said that. As I drove home today I just thought about how I got what I needed, more encouragement from perfect strangers who may as well have been hidden angels. I was open to receiving encouragement and got it. Felt nice.